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Literature I: Savage Garden Fanfiction

Peach of the Damned
by Jess

Greetings, o lowly mortal reader. It is I...Legume, the vegepiric peach!! Be humbled in my juicy presence!
Alright, enough with the fanfare.
Finally! I am narrating this story. It is mine...mine...MINE!!!!! Hahahaha!!!
You may already know me from a few other epic tales unscrupulously posted across the Internet under an assumed alias. Theoretically, to preserve my immortal infamy as a Peach of the Damned, I (and my vegepiric "child" Daniel, whom you'll hear more about in a moment) write under the name of a fanatic 15-year-old mortal girl, Jess. Very strange creatures, mortals are. Especially mortal humans. They can be a damned nuisance.
Anyway, this girl, Jess, accepts our tales and puts them out as her own on the electronical abyss they call the 'web.' But do not be fooled by this cover. Young mortal girls such as herself tend to be quite easily fooled and, more to the point, just plain stupid when it comes to matters of the supernatural.
But let us get on with this tale.
As I mentioned, I have a child. He is a mortal human, Daniel, who accidentally became a vegepire. I didn't trick him into it exactly, as he would lead you to believe...I was actually just using my preternatural powers to shake him up a little...I bit him out of self-defense, okay?? I didn't do it on purpose!! I REFUSE TO TAKE THE BLAME FOR THE GULLIBILITY OF A FOOLISH MORTAL!!!
Um, sorry about that...
Anyway!
Daniel is not ONLY a foolish mortal...he is a famous foolish mortal. He and his hyperactive and overly dramatic friend Darren are in a band together. Brutal Picnic or something nonsensical like that.
Ow!!! Daniel just whapped me!
"Legume!! It's SAVAGE GARDEN!!! How many times do I have to tell you?!"
Okay, Daniel, my vegepiric "child," and Darren are in the band Savage Garden.
Whatever.
At any rate, this band's on a hiatus. Darren is in San Fransisco, making a solo album, and Daniel...ah, my Daniel is working in his very own recording studio with Aneiki...they've just finished up their album and it's time for me to ask Daniel's assistance. I need him to help me fulfill my life's dream.
I want to become a rock star.
***********************************************
"Daniel! Damn it, get up!!"
Boing, boing, boing.
Daniel, sprawled across the bed, had been up far too late the previous night, mixing Aneiki's album, and he was exhausted. So exhausted that he still wore his wrinkled shirt and jeans from the session, his golden hair touseled and his expression worn. He squinted one blue eye at the over-active peach jumping up and down on the mattress in front of him.
"Daniel! Come on. You know you want to wake up. It's nearly twilight," the peach persisted. Daniel shut his eyes tightly and rolled over with a muffled groan.

more soon!

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